Let's Forget Politics And Enjoy The Paratha

A Kadir Jasin

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[Revised version]

IF it’s possible, a lot of us may want to forget politics forever. But we can’t. Politics is us --- very much like "Me and you and the dog named Boo."

We can argue about politics until the cows come home and we’re unlikely to agree. That’s why in politics people often agree to disagree.

Until this day, social scientists are unsure whether politics is an art or science. So they define it as “the art or science of government or governing, especially the governing of a political entity, such as a nation, and the administration and control of its internal and external affairs.”

So let’s talk about everyday things --- the little things that bring us together instead of tearing us apart. I think all Malaysians agree that when it comes to food, Malaysia is a hog’s haven.

Things like my favourite teh si kosong, i.e tea with unsweetened condensed milk and no sugar or roti canai garing (crispy paratha).

I gave up sugar decades ago. So is coffee. I woke up one morning to discover that tea tasted better without sugar and coffee didn’t go well with my weak stomach.

I read somewhere that unsweetened condensed milk was developed by American Gail Borden, Jr. in 1856. But according to the writings of Marco Polo, the Tartars were able to condense milk.

By the way, paratha is the original name of roti canai when it made its was from the Indian Subcontinent to Malaya. But almost everybody who had eaten the paratha in India said it was an inferior version of roti canai.

Having tasted paratha and puri in Madras and Bangalore some years ago, I must say that I like their Malaysian renditions better.

Or take a bowl of noodle soup. It’s anytime better in Penang and Ipoh than in Beijing, Hong Kong and Taipei. The improvised spaghetti marinara with cili padi, for instance, tastes better than the Italian original.

They taste better here in our beloved Malaysia because we adapt and improvise to suit the various tongues and taste buds – the Malays, Ibans, Kadazans, Chinese, Indians, Thais, Punjabis and the Arabs.

So, whereas we may disagree about faiths, the economy, education, language and many other political things, I think we are in agreement about food.

That the same dish in China, India, Thailand, Indonesia, Italy and France tastes better here because we localised it. We give it the Malaysian Ummmmp!

I think when it comes to food we Malaysians are the real chefs and connoisseurs. We do not just cook and eat food. We interpret and sample the most unlikely dishes from around the world.

And only in Malaysia ham is halal. That’s because we are flexible. Or shall I say cunning? But we can also be ignorant and confused at the same time.

We love being Mat Salleh. If they eat ham, which is made of pork, we (the Malaysian Muslims) want to eat it too. But pork is forbidden in Islam.

So, the money-minded say why not make halal ham out of beef or chicken? Walla, you have halal ham without the help of a khinzir (the politically-correct term for pig).

Today, if you ask the young locally educated Malays,( they are Muslims of course) they will tell you that ham at the Dome is either made of chicken or beef.

By the same token, although yoga in its totality has been ruled “haram” by the National Fatwa Council, its chairman Prof. Dr. Abdul Shukor Husin said yoga’s physical aspect is not.

What made yoga “haram” according to the ruling is the mantra (chanting) and the objective of “being one with God.” That’s how The Star and Mingguan Malaysia reported the matter.

That led to several Muslim goya centres and instructors to claim that they are offering "halal goya." Why not? If we can have halal ham and halal (Islamic) banking, why can't we have halal yoga?

So, the non-Muslims – like the Hindu Sangam – please understand the issue and not get involved in Muslim affairs. It’s dangerous for Hindu Sangam president A Vaithilingam to tell Malaysiakini that the council's decision was an insult to all Malaysians.

I don’t feel insulted! And I am as Malaysian as Mr Vaithilingam. And I do not intend to get involved in the affairs of the Hindu unless my interest as a Muslim is jeopardised. So, Mr Vaithilingam please!

Whether it’s yoga or halal ham, understanding is supreme. I am not surprised if not a few are fooled into consuming the original pork-based ham when they are touring Europe, Australia or America thinking that ham is made of chicken and beef.

The Malaysian Muslims are very particular about food. They can be committing the most hideous haram things – like murder and corruption -- but when it comes to food it must be strictly halal.

So the story is told of one such person who committed three days and three nights of “khalwat” (being in seclusion) in a Bangkok hotel.

Emerging exhausted and famished he ordered a serving of chicken. But when was told that the chicken was not halal, he declined to eat.

Back in 1977, when attending a course at the West Berlin International Institute for Journalism – a Cold War institution – I had a pork-loving, pub-hopping Afghan friend.

When I asked him why he opted for pork when he could have fish or egg, he answered as a matter of fact that in Afghanistan pork was forbidden.

So he took the opportunity to eat, drink and be merry by doing all the haram things during the three months in West Berlin – a task made easy by the fact that our institute on Budapester Strasse was located a stone throw away from the very happening Kurfurstendam.

But eating in Malaysia is getting to be more and more adventurous. Try to ask for a simple pleasure like air suam (warm water) from a recent arrival from Tamil Nadu or Kerala and you could be taken on a confusing ride in the Tower of Babel. To begin with, air suam is alien to him and warm water is not warm water but varm vater.

To cut the long story short, the next time you are pissed off (sorry for the expletive) with politics and politicians, try Milo tabur.

Don’t ask me what it is, just ask your Tamil Nadu waiter. You can address him “boss” if you want to. I don’t think he minds.

So, I’ll continue to mildly tolerate politicians’ silliness for as long as they do not try to politicise my teh si kosong, roti canai garing, mi siam Singapore and beef hor fun.