Sunday, June 04, 2006

Kenduri Bermacam Kenduri

[Nota kepala: Minta jangan guna "anonymous" untuk komen. Susah nak cam. Tak akan diposkan. Terima kasih.]

A Kadir Jasin
Sekadar renungan hujung minggu, mengingatkan tentang betapa jauhnya perjalanan bangsa Melayu dan bangsa Malaysia. Penulis menghadiri beberapa jemputan kenduri kahwin dalam masa seminggu ini. Maklumlah cuti sekolah. Maka banyaklah kenduri kahwin diadakan.

Penulis hendak berkongsi pengalaman mengenai tiga daripada majlis itu -- dua membabitkan ahli politik kerajaan dan satu seorang profesional sektor swasta. Daripada dua orang politik itu, seorang berpangkat menteri dan seorang lagi ahli parlimen biasa.

Kenduri menteri tidak di hotel 5 bintang tetapi di dewan biasa milik Felda. Jarang sekali para Menteri mengadakan majlis perkahwinan anak-anak mereka di dewan sebegini. Menteri ini nyata sederhana dan tidak kaya.

Selalunya, paling-paling tidak pun para mamanda menteri mengadakan majlis seperti itu di hotel 4 atau 3 bintang. Pilihan utama tentunya dalam kelas Mandarin Oriental dan Shangri la.

Antara yang hadir di majlis kenduri menteri dua Yang Dipertu Negeri, Perdana Menteri, Timbalan Perdana Menteri, beberapa Menteri Kabinet dan bekas Perdana Menteri.

Majlisnya sederhana, berunsur Melayu dan Islam. Makanan boleh tahan. Majlis lancar dan hiburan sesuai dengan selara umum. Hanya ucapan tuan rumah agak panjang dan mencecah pinggiran emosi. Boleh dimaafkan.

Saya selalu berasa kurang selesa bila pada majlis begini diceritakan asal usul pengantin dan cinta lara mereka yang dirakam-videokan dan ditayangkan kepada hadirin. Saya rasa aspek peribadi begini lebih elok tidak dijadikan bahan cerita. Lebih bermakna jika dirahsiakan sebagai lambang kasih sayang yang tidak terucap.

Mungkin saya sudah jadi sinis dan skeptis kerana terlalu banyak majlis hebat dengan doa dan restunya berakhir dengan percerain yang "acrimonious" dan penuh sensasi. Berita-berita perceraian dengan kisah perebutan harta dan saman-menyaman, termasuk yang membabitkan menteri kabinet dan selebriti, tidak membantu meyakinkan saya mengenai kesucian dan kewarasan berumah tangga.

Majlis kedua yang diadakan oleh bapak Ahli Parlimen cukup unik. Pakaian wajib "black tie". Diadakan di dewan konvensyen 5 bintang. Saya dan pacal Johan Jaaffar pakai batik saja. Kami tak ada black tie suit. Terlalu tinggi dan terlalu asing bagi budaya kami yang kekampungan.
Nampak janggal dan tiada kelas tapi diberanikan juga kerana kawan.

Selawat Nabi hebat. Sudah jadi semacam perlumbaan untuk mempersembahkan selawat yang paling hebat. Tiada salahnya. Kita digalakkan untuk sentiasa berselawat kepada Baginda.

Hadirin ramai dari kalangan "beautiful people" yang jelas amat sophisticated dan dari kelas atasan. Seimbas pandang tidak macam di Kuala Lumpur apatah lagi kenduri kahwin orang Melayu. Busuk-busuk pun umpama Singapura atau Manila. Tidak salah kalau saya katakan setaraf dengan New York dan London. Siapa kata Melayu tidak sophisticated, tidak canggih?
Tuan rumah adalah produk Dasar Ekonomi Baru.

Namun yang cukup unik dan mengagumkan ialah apabila yang membaca doa juga berpakaian black tie dan nenda kepada pengantin lelaki. Siapa kata solat dan doa harus dikepalai oleh lebai dan ustaz berkopiah dan berserban?

Sajian? Pastinya bukan gulai daging atau rendang tok. Tidak juga nasi biriyani. Pembuka seleranya adalah udang yang dipulas (twisted prawn) dan sayur-sayuran hijau. Hidangan utamanya ikan salmon (diMalaysiakan jadi salman) dan pembasuh mulutnya saya pun dah lupa. Yang pasti bukan kek lapis atau kueh muih Malaysia.

Majlis diiringi jazz dan lagu-lagu klasik. Pengantin diirining masuk oleh pari-pari. Tiada majlis merinjis. Gantinya blessing ceremony -- upacara merestui. Seorang Menteri dan beberapa orang kenamaan politik dan korporat naik ke pelamin berjabat salam dan bergambar dengan pengantin.

Tapi khabarnya pasangan yang sama mengadakan majlis kenduri tradisional dengan bersanding dan merenjis di tempat lahir bapa pengantin lelaki iaitu Kota Baru di Kelantan. Kenduri kesyukuran diadakan di 13 buah masjid di sekitar bandar itu dengan menyembelih 20 ekor kerbau/lembu.

Baguslah kalau Melayu yang berjaya dan canggih masih tidak melupakan asal usulnya yang "humble". Ular menyusur akar tidak hilang bisanya. Penulis buat kenduri kahwin anak-anak di rumah.

Dan saya juga ke beberapa kunduri rakyat biasa yang diadakan di atas jalan raya di kawasan sederhana yang makanannya disediakan sendiri dan dihidangkan secara buffet (diMalaysiakan menjadi bufet). Tiada pari-pari dan orkestra mengiringinya.

Di salah satu majlis itu, yang menjemputnya adalah pengantin sendiri. Nama ibu hanya tersenarai sebagai penjawab telefon. Mungkin ada cerita di sebaliknya. Tetapi ayah dan ibu pengantin ada. Ah, inilah Malaysia. Kepelbagaiannya mempesona dan kadang kala memeningkan kepala.

Terima kasih. Thank you. Selamat beristirahat. Have a good weekend.

27 comments:

raz said...

Saya setuju. Malaysia, memang negara unik.

mangifera said...

salam dato'

Saya selalu berasa kurang selesa bila pada majlis begini diceritakan asal usul pengantin dan cinta lara mereka yang dirakam-videokan dan ditayangkan kepada hadirin.

bukan sahaja cerita diluar saja, citer didalam pun kalau boleh mahu ditayangkan. biasalah..anak2 semakin maju. lama kelamaan, malaysia juga sudah jadi macam amerika. pre-marriage sex become a trend. anak haram bersepah merata2. dan kahwin sudah jadi satu beban. mahu kahwin pun sgt susah, kes homoseksual bersepah. mahu salahkan siapa? salahkan mak bapak yang macam nak jual anak? atau salahkan lelaki yang miskin tak sedar diri mahu berkahwin?

entahlah...saya sendiri tak tahu.

majlis kahwin sikit punya grand, tp tak sampai setahun sudah cerai. apa lah sangat dihiaskan "gerbang" perkahwinan kalau isi rumahnya hambar dan bosan. kahwin saja grand, kemudian tinggal hutang keliling pinggang. kiasu nya kalah yang bermastautin di singapura. biar papa asal bergaya. melayu melayu..geleng kepala.

bapak menteri tu mungkin tahu ramai kenalannya dari kampung. tak berdaya melawan majoriti. mungkin juga permintaan mempelai sendiri. tapi jatuh sgt ke standard kalau buat di balai raya atau dewan biasa? kahwin juga, tiada mati nya. bukannya tidak sah akad nikah. saya tak pernah rasa jadi kaya, saya tidak tahu. mungkin yang kaya-kaya mahu tolong jawabkan.

drmuzi said...

Kenduri ..is nice..eating biryani gam BATU PAHAT at wedding kenduri even nicer, especially so if the cook frm Taman Soga.

Malaysian food is damn good but damn oily as well.

what to do, no wonder Malaysian are fatter and fatter and in South East Asia we manage to grab the first trophy for Diabetes Melittus and Hypercholesterolaemia.

it would be better if we grabbed first rank in soccer instead...

drmuzi

Umno Supporter said...

Dato'

Saya baru je balik kenduri kahwin rakan sekolah lama dulu. Buat dekat rumah.

Pengajaran yang saya dapat apabila berjumpa dengan rakan rakan sekolah dulu dulu ialah pelajaran dan sedikit nasib yang menentukan nasib seseorang.

Saya amat bersyukur kepada tuhan dan berterima kasih kepada kerajaan kerana menyediakan infrastuktur untuk saya dan rakan rakan belajar.

Kenduri kahwin ini meningatkan saya asal usul saya dan perjalan berliku liku yang masih panjang lagi.

Bye .........

A KADIR JASIN said...

dueng-mangifera a.k.a dueng mangga, tuan punya dueng's world. tahniah kerana mempunyai blog sendiri. It's ok if I don't understand the language of today's young people. I hope your friends and you will use this unique technology and opportunity wisely and for useful purposes.

Stumbling upon your blog quite by chance, I must say that I am impressed that you are able to crisscross between the world of youth and grown-ups. Thank you for visiting this site and participating in our discussion.

Saya setuju dengan anda bahawa perkahwinan kini menjadi beban. Terlalu banyak syarat, terlalu kebendaan dan terlalu tinggi pengharapan. The "simple" union between two consenting adults has become a burdonsome contract.

As for Anonymous, I am not posting your comment. In future please use your real identity or choose a suitable preudonym. But I am attracted to your question about how to become a good journalist. You said you are a former NTV7's edisi siasat team.

I don't think I can be much of a help. My way may not be the best way. Journalism is the only job I know. I have been at it for the last 37 years and every day is a different day -- a day for learning. Being a journalist means willing to learn and to share information and thoughts with your readers. There's no shortcut or magic formula. But courage and some measure of idealism help.

And drmuzi, I agree totally with you. Biryani gam and other Malaysian fares are mouth watering but too much of them can kill. Take everything in moderation.

As for Tun Dr Mahathir, I think behind that stern facade, he's actully a very nice man. He is very tolerant. Sometimes he goes overboard. Now he pays the price. The people he appointed and protected are today running him down. He raised so many ungrateful people during his long political career.

daud eb said...

Datuk

I long for the good old days where weddings are a family affair. Where, when the wedding date nears, you have your Grand Uncles and Aunts, aunties and uncles and cousins, near and distant relatives you have not seen for a long while all coming from all over Malaysia earlier to help with the preparations for the wedding. Also there are neigbours who willingly joined hands to help with whatever needed to be done. The only professional in the whole affair would be the Mak Andam who would make the bride and bridegroon literally a “Raja Sehari”. And if we are lucky, a rather rich uncle might sponsor a famous ghazal group to entertain while we enjoy the feast be it nasi minyak or beryani gam etc.

Sadly, with the relative wealth enjoyed by our community now, most weddings are now a subcontract affair. You have the food prepared by a professional caterer and served buffet style. You have a professional compere announcing the arrival of VVIPs, VIPs etc. And sadly still, when Datuk told us about the Malay/Muslim Black tie wedding, which to a Kampung boy like me sounded so alien. Apparently “segelintir” NEP millionaires need to flaunt their gifted wealth and what better way then to do it western style. This also reminded me of this rich IPP(take or pay) towkay who, who celebrated his company sponsored events by importing those very expensive european tenors and sopranos and what nots to his events. Maybe it’s the in thing where if you want to be rich and famous in Malysia then one have to take up the affluent lifestyle of the West. Alas, Datuk, people can be so small minded sometimes…

Coming back to our very own Malaysian Food Delight, yes they are fat heavy and full of bad cholesterol, but those Nasi Lemak and beriyani timbus, they are delicious. Those years of feasting had had a bad effect on me. Last week, I had a full check up after some slight chest pains. The doctor’s advise was to “EAT EVERYTHING in moderation and loose that waistline my friend”.

Datuk you also mentioned about Dr Mahathir. I have not met him personally though I read a lot about him. However, I remember a couple of years back when Dr Mahathir was PM, I saw a TV program in Astro’s 3R program featuring these three Pretty Young Things(PYTs) interviewing him at Sri Perdana. The PYTs did a good job of unravelling the softer side of the great man, maybe I am sentimental, but my eyes actually watered when watching the PM then. I agree with you that behind that stern face lies a very kind hearted man. I would not be surprised that during his days as PM if somebody cried infront of him to seek for projects it does not surprise me if Dr. Mahathir helped the poor fellow out of pity. And even in my worst nightmares I could not see PM Dr Mahathir raise the price of fuel by a whopping 30 sen per liter at one go. Dr Mahathir would know that this would burden the rakyat endlessly include the policemen whose job is it to keep the peace and prevent people from demonstrating.

As for those ungrateful bunch of people who Dr. Mahathir had protected and helped. Well, I suppose if you are a student of history, you will know that as long as men exists this bunch of hippocrates will always be around .Que sera sera I suppose.

By the way did you know that there is a nice restaurant in Larkin,JB selling good old Johor nasi beryani every Tuesdays and Thursdays. Its slighly different from the Taman Soga, Batu Pahat version.

dignity2u said...

Dear Dato', your comment on Tun Dr Mahathir stirs my thoughts. In an earlier post, you wrote about keeping our faith, that we should not lose hope.

My mother always says, “I have faith that god will not forsake my family.” As I grow older, I treasure my mother more and more. It is tough managing a bunch of kids – it requires insight, foresight, vision, wisdom, and a lot of faith in god.

To the clever ones she says, “I can’t deny that you are clever. I pray that you do not use your cleverness for the wrong things.” To the not-so-clever she says, “Use both eyes and keep an eye on the clever ones.”

This bunch of kids has brought her joy and pride as well pain and sorrow. But, she never gives up faith, she never gives up hope that god will pick us up and put us back on the right path.

My mother keeps both eyes on her bunch, yet they can still slip off on the quiet. It makes me wonder about Tun Dr Mahathir – how much tougher it was for him to an eye (or both eyes) on his family of cabinet members, government officers, GLC officers, etc. etc. etc.

nstman said...

its very say to see dr mahathir sidelined by the very people he appointed. the very people who used to fawn on him, the political eunuchs, are now ignoring him. how sad. i may not agree with dr m but i feel he should be given his due respect. what's your take, datuk?

A KADIR JASIN said...

daud eb, thank you for the biryani tip -- taman soga vs larkin. I am not much of a biryani eater. But I do sometimes enjoy good biryani.

nstman, daud eb and others had commented on the shabby treatment of Dr Mahathir by the people he appointed and protected when he was in power.

I think that's the price you pay being a leader. More so in the politcal arena where loyalty is skin deep and hypocrisy is the rule rather than exception.

It could not have been easy for Dr M to choose between Abdullah and Najib. Najib was loyal and Dr M was indebted to Najib's father. But the 1998/99 period was a difficult one for Dr M. He paid a high price for removing Anwar. The 1999 general election was the toughest for him.

He had to choose bewteen someone he liked and known to be loyal to him i.e Najib and someone whom he thought would be more suitable to confront the opposition i.e Abdullah.

Like most people, he was taken up by Abdullah's image as a nice guy, deeply religious and a good family man. Having a wife like Tun Dr Siti Hasmah, Dr M believed that wife plays an important role.

Well, all that is history now. Abdullah is the PM and Dr M is the object of ridicule by the very same people he nurtured, appointed to high positions and protected when he was PM.

If it now happens to Dr M, who says it will not happen to others who are now in power when they step down or are forced to do so?

Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.

drmuzi said...

Mahathir is right and wrong in appointing AAB as the Prime Minister.

He is right in short term, as it manages to stop the progression of the Green waves of PAS , as shown in the last general election.

He is wrong in the long term, as manifested today by increasing interest rate, increasing inflation, increasing unemployement rate, increase in th eprice of esential goods ..

so He is right and he is very wrong.

That is the risk he has taken after careful calculations.

The TUN is the most daring in term of risk taking adn i hope he will do one last daring move for the sake of all Malaysian...hopefully soon.

In regards to our foods, yes indeed,it is just too good that we risk our life overindulgence our nasi lemak and roti canai at our food stalls.

i remember this tagline frm Cadbury i think:

"hidup mesti sedap"...but be careful as at old age may end up suffering.

I read somewhere in an interview with the TUN, he advised the former Kedah Chief Minister, PAK TUAN Syed Razak to eat in moderation, and may be sample more tosai which is cholesterol free.

suria said...

Assalamualaikum Dato',

Your blog has been my frequent visits nowadays. It's an honour to have found this blog.

As for the weddings, I am one of the 'majlis kahwin sikit punya grand, tp tak sampai setahun sudah cerai', to quote from dueng-mangifera.

My divorce agreement was made a few days after the 1st anniversary. Kalau difikirkan malu, kami akan hanya menyeksa diri kerana masih stay married. Maklumlah, majlis kami dipuji-puji. Namun saya tidak berhutang selepas kahwin. Alhamdullilah, semua perbelanjaan selesai seminggu selepas majlis. Orang-orang yang mengetahui perpisahan kami sangat terperanjat dan pasti akan quote "it was a beautiful wedding, sayangnya..". Tetapi oleh kerana saya mula faham erti "love yourself", malu itu saya telan.

Kami berpisah secara baik tetapi mengingati bekas suami hanya akan mengingatkan saya tentang kebodohan sendiri. Benar, jodoh maut, Allah tentukan. Namun seharusnya saya listen to my concious & menggunakan akal fikiran kurniaan Tuhan, kerana diawal persiapan banyak sungguh signs yang mengatakan get out before it's too late.

Majlis kahwin masa kini sebenarnya banyak terpengaruh dengan nafsu, masing2 berlumba2 untuk mengadakan majlis yang grand. Mungkin inilah the price that we pay for letting the western thoughts about love to influence our minds.

Now segala kenangan : photos & videos saya simpan jauh dari pandangan. Bukan menyesal, tetapi saya tidak mahu mengingatkan kebodohan diri. Saya telah move on dan mahu lebih mengenali erti cinta sebenar, cinta kepada Ilahi.

Apologies Dato' for the long comment.

Todak Malaya said...

Kenduri kahwin?Berbicara pasal kahwin,
Saya terpanggil utk memetik tulisan dr.seseorang yang kononnya champion of feminisme and women' rights.
And I want to repeat again that,She, as Aminah Wadud follower is using the opportunity to give friday sermon to all muslim male in Malaysia by doing this in NST.'Prime News column'.

Zainah Anwar in friday column last week dgn loyar buroknya quote that: lelaki islam Malaysia sepatutnya hanya dibenarkan kahwin dengan nenek 65 thn keatas, sebab golongan itulah yg sebenarnya terlebih dlm bancian penduduk.

Dan lebih menunjukkan kebodohanya apabila dia menyamakan perkahwinan misyar semacam menghalalkan pelacuran.(In many cases, it is nothing more than legitimised prostitution)

Dan menambahkan lagi kebengongannya apabila dia kata :.(All things being equal, when one man marries two women, he deprives another man of a chance at marriage. When he marries three women, two other men are deprived; when he marries four, three other men do not marry).
Congakkan mana dia pakai??
Dan byk lagi khutbahnya yg merapu pd hari tu..

Dalam hal ini tulisannya benar2 menghina agama..

I'm wonder if NST editor..tidoq or she have been given special privileged by Kalimullah to write whatever she want to the extent of blasphemy(like NST Denmark cartoon).
Or maybe JAKIM or JAWI official don't read English newspaper.


For some one who still not marry,(Zainah) their sexual preference can be questioned? Is she gay?

A KADIR JASIN said...

Selamat datang kepada suria. Terima kasih kerana melawat laman ini dan berkongsi pengalaman dengan pengunjung dan peserta lain.

todak malaya emosional membahaskan tulisan Zainah Anwar dalam NST.

suria nampaknya begitu waras setelah kegagalan cinta. Kita belajar daripada pengalaman. Cinta boleh membutakan. Still, as someone great once said, it's better to have loved and lost than not to love at all. Or something like that.

Tentang kenduri kahwin yang melampau-lampau, mungkin masyarakat kita di Malaysia, khasnya Melayu, terlalu terbawa-bawa dengan kebendaan. Atau sengaja mahu menunjuk-nunjuk.

Setahun atau dua lalu saya menghadiri kenduri kahwin adik seorang menteri. Dia berkahwin dengan seorang yang boleh digolongkan sebagai selebriti. Si pemberi ucapan menceritakan pelbagai fakta peribadi hinggakan hantaran tunai yang berpuluh-puluh ribu dan hantaran lain yang mencecah ratusan ribu dihebahkan kepada umum. Mudah cakap saya rasa perkara begini sudah mencecah batas keangkuhan dan bidaah. Saya hanya berharap pasangan itu bahagia.

todak malaya, we shouldn't get too emosional over a column in the NST. There are writers and there are "pontificators". When you don't know anything else, you pontificate. And with the whole world, including G.W. Bush, claiming to be experts on Islam and claiming ownership of the religion and lordship over its followers, why shouldn't the NST editors and their fellow travellers do the same?

Did they not try to defend their mocking of the Prophet (pbuh) some time ago?

And surely you know by now who appointed these people and gave them the freedom. If they run down Islam or mock the Prophet (pbuh), the ultimate responsibility must be that of the person who appointed them.

On my part, I will not question anybody's sexual preference and orientation. There must be reasons why some men and women prefer to stay single.

Maybe (I say maybe) because some really good, macho Muslim men marry more than one woman that some Muslim women end up not having a husband. I don't know. And some Muslim men stay single because all the desirable women have married these damned men. Maybe todak malaya can enlighten us. Thank you.

daud eb said...

Saudara Todak Malaya,

I agree with Datuk, no point in getting all worked up about that silly article by Zainah Ibrahim in the NST which is foreign occupied territory anyway. In fact we should not even dignify her writings by even commenting on it.

My guess is that for an educated lady to write such vicious comments, she must have had been rejected in love during her younger years. Are you familiar with the saying "Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned"?

daud eb said...

Datuk

Saya tersilap sikit hantar posting kepada todak Malaya patutnya Zainah Anwar saya tertulis Zainah Ibrahim pula. Boleh tlg edit.

Hantu Gigi Jarang said...

todak malaya,

Perkahwinan misyar ni apa bendanya? Ada ke dalam Quran? Tolong cerita sikit.

The way I see it, memang it is nothing more than legitimised prostitution by law. You replylah, boleh kita discuss. I pun seronok ni!

Hantu Gigi Jarang

riangrimba said...

kadang-kadang yang rendah diri terlalu rendah sangat macam orang kedekut, ada yanmg tinggi diritu macam melayu keturunan las vegas! entahlah Datuk.

Hantu Gigi Jarang said...

Dato',

Betulke cadangan Malaysia Disneyland di Johor yang dimulakan di zaman Dr.Mahathir dan cuba dimulakan semula oleh AAB, telah ditolak oleh pihak Walt Disney kerana jambatan "crooked" gagal diteruskan oleh Malaysia?.

Dengar khabarnya, Walt Disney tertarik dengan cadangan jambatan "crooked" dulu kerana kapal-kapal cruise yang nanti boleh berlayar di bawah jambatan akan menjadikan JB waterfront pusat perlancongan yang hebat. Malaysia Disneyland memerlukan semua ini. Kalau kapal-kapal cruise ni tak boleh singgah di JB waterfront, mana pelancung yang akan pergi ke Malaysia Disneyland tu?

Dato' boleh selidik-selidik sikit?

Hantu Gigi Jarang

Anonymous said...

...Di salah satu majlis itu, yang menjemputnya adalah pengantin sendiri. Nama ibu hanya tersenarai sebagai penjawab telefon. Mungkin ada cerita di sebaliknya. Tetapi ayah dan ibu pengantin ada. Ah, inilah Malaysia. Kepelbagaiannya mempesona dan kadang kala memeningkan kepala....

Dear Dato',

I saw you (and family) at that particular wedding.. The Mother of the Bride is my Mum's younger sister..! Thank you for attending.

Your blog is actually one of my daily must-read blogs... Imagine what a pleasant surprise it was when I visited your blog today!I immediately called up my aunt, and we had a good hearty laugh over it! Yeah, memang "memeningkan kepala", eh? It adds spice to our lives though.... hehehe. And I have printed her a copy of your latest scribe - will give her a copy tonight!

Once again Dato', thank you for attending the wedding. It's nice to see a person whose thots I read in cyber world, 'appear' in the actual world!

*julie-meor*

Sabri Mahmut Sungai Jatuh said...

salam.

Dato', pertama sekali diucap tahniah + terima kasih kerana menyenggara blog dgn cermat dan berhemah. Konsistensinya juga bagus.

Bicara bab kahwin, saya suka beri sikit komentar peribadi.

Lazimnya, sebelum kahwin kedua-dua pihak gemar bikin "janji manis", terutama sebelah lelaki.

Janji setia sehidup semati, akan jaga u dgn baik, tak kan kecewakan u, your wish is my command etc.

Sebelum kahwin, saya beritahu calon isteri tiga perkara.

Satu - saya tak boleh janji hidup dia lebih baik. Kalau lebih teruk tu boleh lah;

Dua - saya bukan orang alim, pijak semut gerenti mati. Malam2 selalu keluar, kadang2 tak balik rumah;

Tiga - kalau dengar orang kata saya buat baik (seperti tolong orang buta lintas jalan), jangan percaya, tapi kalau dengar orang kata saya buat jahat, berjaga-jaga.

Sebelah perempuan suka dengar janji manis, maka orang lelaki mengucapkannya.

Matan cerita, perkahwinan bertahan kerana kejujuran wujud sejak mula.

Just two cents worth of opinion.

Anonymous said...

Salam sejahtera Dato'

Saya balik Pendang baru-baru ni menziarahi mak, sambey makan kenduri.

Cerita pasai makan kenduri, terbayang gulai daging cincang, ayag asam... fuh... ceritapun tak guna.

Dikampung saya, Kg.??? dekat dgn Paya Mat Insun memang haru biru sejak dahulu dan bertambah teruk gila kebelakangan ini.

Puncanya politik PAS-UMNO, berebut jawatan AJK kg dan Ketua parti.

Sikap berpuak-puak, tak pi kenduri rumah PAS-UMNO, tak bertegur hang aku memang ketara...

Jangan crita pasai semayang.
Org Umno semayang kat surau yg gomen buat, geng Pas buat surau baru atau pi semayang kt tempat lain.

Yang lawak kenduri baru ni la.
Bila org Umno buat kenduri jemput kugiran, depa kata macam-macam!

Tapi geng depa kenduri siap panggil
ghazal parti. Ada darai siap menari, bergencok! Ya Tuhan...

Kugiran dan Ghazal parti ni orang dah tak panggey dah.. zaman 70-an dulu ada la... kalau wayang kulit takpa la jugak... boleh gelak-gelak

Saya bukan anti org UMNO-PAS.. tapi sakit kepala tengok depa punya perangai.

Lagi menarik pasai kenduri, sebelum balik KL malamnya... tengah hari tu saya pi kenduri adik abang ipag saya di Bendang Bukit kat Kubor Panjang.

Siap ada Cabutan Bertuah. Hadiahnya simple saja, pinggan mangkuk periuk belanga...dll

Saya difahamkan salah satu tujuannya utk menarik minat anak muda supaya bersemangat bekerja...
angkat nasi, cuci pinggan...

Nasibla lepas ni... tuan rumah lain pulak kena ikut macam tu...

Tu la... kenduri kat kampung la ni pun dah banyak pakai layan diri...

Kampung bini saya kat Charuk Kudung walaupun semangat kepartian
kuat jugak maklumlah kubu kuat Pas, tapi mai tang kenduri depa bekerjasama... tu la baguihnya...
Kat sini kenduri siap ada tomoi...

Harap Dato' tak cemuih baca...
Saya salah sorang pminat tulisan Dato'...

Wasalam.
OrangPendang.

mangifera said...

dato: terima kasih atas pujian berkenaan. dunia mengkehendaki saya besar dengan cepat. semua perkara dan isu perlu in handy. kalau tidak in details, serba sedikit mesti tahu. tp saya tetap remaja yang punya zaman indah sendiri yang masih perlu dinikmati. both come along pretty well. :). Alhamdullilah, medium ini sgt berguna untuk update mengenai diri masing-masing dan berguna untuk meluahkan pandangan masing-masing terhadap perkara tertentu.

pasal hal perkahwinan misyar, saya kira sukar untuk mempersoalkan hal berkenaan. saya nampak banyak baik dari buruknya DENGAN SYARAT yang berpatutan. saya rasa usul perkahwinan misyar berkenaan adalah usul umum. apa itu usul umum? begini, cuba kita ambil contoh hukum dalam islam mengenai mencuri. ya..hukumnya potong tangan. tetapi, adakah semudah seseorang itu ditangkap mencuri maka terus dipotong tangannya?? tidak. kita ada cara menilai untuk menjatuhkan hukum berkenaan. antara syarat untuk menjatuhkan hukum potong tangan adalah nilai dan sebab musabab kecurian terjadi. jika tidak cukup nilai, tidak jatuh hukum. jika seseorang itu mencuri dengan sebab kesusahan hidup, juga tidak jatuh hukum, wajib diberikan pekerjaan padanya. dengan kata lain, jatuh hukum hanya ketika syarat2 berkenaan dipatuhi.

dan tangan bukan seperti dipenggal. tangan dipotong dibahagian pergelengan tangan, di kawasan sendi yang menghubungkan lengan dan tapak tangan. sebelum dipotong, diurut dulu supaya longgar dan memudahkan pemotongan dijalankan. begitu secara serba sedikit yang saya ketahui. (sila perbetulkan jika terdapat kesalahan).

tetapi, secara usul umum nya, hukum mencuri adalah potong tangan. nampak seperti babarian, tapi setelah diteliti, barulah diketahui bukan semua kes curi dibenarkan potong tangan. begitu jugak dgn kahwin misyar. dengar dulu bagaimana konsepnya barulah kita membahaskan. kita bukan manusia kolot, kita semua ke sekolah. jadi, dengarkan dahulu, berfikir dan buat keputusan. kalau diikutkan, isu poligami saja sudah bikin malaya goncang...inikan pula isu kahwin misyar.

secara mudah, saya melihat kahwin misyar menyelesaikan masalah andartu yang berleluasa sekarang. kamu tidak mahu kahwin memang hak kamu, tetapi apabila status kamu itu mendatangkan keburukkan pada nilai masyarakat, perkara berkenaan bukan lagi menjadi hak milik kamu sendiri tetapi juga dikongsi oleh masyarakat. mungkin kita tak dapat melihat betapa kronik masalah ini, mungkin beberapa tahun lagi barulah terdapat keruncingan dalam masalah ini. siapa tahu?

sekadar pandangan...

Truth said...

Dear Dato’

Although this topic isn’t quite as important as the others you have posted, I must say it is most interesting.

I’d like to share with you a story told to me by a person who attended 2 lavish wedding parties held at the Istana Hotel within a year quite some time back. I think it was the time when HRH Sultan Azlan was King.

Talk about big functions of marriages that don’t last a year, well this is a classic. It was the wedding of the daughter of a prominent businessman who was married to a handsome gentleman of less standing in the social circle. This function was attended by His Majesty the King.

In less than a year, the groom was caught by the bride exchanging sweet nothings to the bride’s best friend on the extended telephone line of the bride’s father’s house.

They were divorced henceforth.

Months later, the gentleman married his secret sweetheart ( a daughter of another prominent businessman, and best friend of the first bride) whom he got caught romancing. They married at the same hotel attended by the same King.

Can you imagine if His Majesty suddenly looked to his left to the groom on the main table and said,” My word, you look awfully familiar, have we met before?” A case of déjà vu perhaps.

I’m sure his answer would’ve been, “ Yes Tuanku, you were at my wedding here almost a year ago with a different bride.”

Saudara Daud,

PYTs always succeed in unraveling the softer side of any man, great or otherwise. Come to think of it, they can unravel the harder side of any man as well, without any medical aide I might add, for as long as they are PYTs.

Ms Suria,

I empathize with you regarding the "malu" bit. When my fiancé admittedly two-timed me while I was studying abroad, I came home to end our engagement. To my dismay, my aunt and siblings kept on reminding me to preserve my father’s good name and to come to a compromise. Can you beat that? How am I to attend to such a request when my fiancé was seen by friends and foes partying with the other guy?

So I did the right thing. Sedekahkan Al-Fatiha for my father’s roh, and wished my fiancé Adios Amore!

Hantu gigi jarang,

If I may interject between you and todak Malaya, Misyar is not legalized prostitution. If it is, then the prostitute is in the wrong business because she’d be stuck with one client until he frees her and will have to wait for another three months (edah) before she can continue to earn her living. Whoever tried to poison our minds with such nonsense is either ignorant of the religion or is both ignorant and prejudiced towards men and the women who love them.

Misyar advantages both men and women.

1. For men, it allows them to have a wife without the burden of supporting her on the condition that the wife waivers her right to the "nafkah zahir."
2. For women, they probably don’t need a man lying about all the time taking up space and ordering them around but need him to satisfy thier sexual needs every now and then within the realms of the religion.

There are some things that are not necessarily in the Quran but is practiced. That is why it is equally important to refer to the Hadith. For instance, the Quran doesn’t teach us to pray five times a day as it is in the Hadith that it is mentioned.

It is worrying as a Muslim to see that more successful women prefer not to marry until well into their 30s and it is often said that it is easier to be killed by a terrorist than for a woman to marry after the age of 40.

It is also said that women prime at the age of 30. If they are not married, how do they achieve sexual contentment then? For one who can do that, with or without a companion, she is not qualified to comment on the affairs of the religion regarding blessed unions.

In addition, as the good Dato’ had said, the person appointing these people is equally accountable on judgment day, no matter how he tries to hide his disposition with the cloak of his religion.

Kelana said...

Assalamualaikum Dato',
Menarik komen Dato' tentang perkahwinan. Saya kebetulan ada menyentuh tentang isu ini daripada satu perspektif yang sedikit berbeza di blog saya.
Anyway, saya jarang tinggalkan komen di sini, but rest assured saya memang mengikuti blog Dato' secara konsisten.
Keep on scribing.

A. Aziz said...

Assalamualaikum Dato',

I am a regular visitor to your weblog and wishing you to continue with
those superb views.

Respectfully with your credentials and wide journalistic experience, I
humbly suggest that, perhaps, you may want to present your views, in your
weblog, on what will probably be the characteristics of the future Malay
race in 20 years to come based on today?s trends, if we don't change.
Hoping Dato' would take the lead to start a thought provoking and
intellectual session on shortcoming and radical ways to address them. Do
we have the qualities on what it takes to become a great race?

Are we heading towards building a great race that will get into the
history of mankind that moves the worlds? Measuring ourselves through
materialistic gain will not guarantee future success as can be seen from
history of many failed races that once roam the world with great power.

In any great nations and corporations, the real success in continues
prosperity is driven by great peoples that have unique capabilities and
vision. Great peoples with creativity, innovativeness, perseverance and
persistence resulted from great mind and culture and can be led and molded
into.

My worry Dato', today?s generation is turning into a complacence and
dormant race and thus, does not have the character, mind and will power to
survive in future era of globalization and the power equation.

Let's hear your thought Dato'.

Respectfully,

A. Aziz

morkymoqq said...

Dato'
perkahwinan menyatukan dua insan. Telah menjadi budaya org melayu mengadakan kenduri/keraian utk meraikan mempelai berdua. Terkadang majlis sebegini diserahkan sahaja bulat2 kepada org yg lebih tua utk dianjurkan, malahan kerja si pengantin hanyalah perlu berada di majlis dan mengukir senyuman manis ketika majlis berlangsung. :)

Namun, ada juga pasangan yg memilih utk menganjurkan majlis mereka sendiri. Atas alasan inginkan yg terbaik ; "this would be a once in the lifetime moment", segala bentuk persiapan dirancang dan diatur sekemas yang mungkin dan pastinya memerlukan si pengantin mengeluarkan perbelanjaan.

Tidak dapat dinafikan, perkahwinan masakini telah membuka banyak lebar perniagaan. Dari si tukang jahit pakaian, mak andamnya, catering hatta jurukamera pun sudah pandai memberikan pakej utk sesebuah perkahwinan. Jadi, hakikat akad nikah perkahwinan yg sepatutnya menjadi perkara pokok sesebuah rumahtangga sudah menjadi perkara no 2.

Dalam menganjurkan satu majlis kenduri besar-besaran sebegini, saya kira pihak penganjur sepatutnya lebih memikirkan tetamu yg hadir daripada terlalu 'syok sendiri' dgn acara2 yg di'hidang'kan. Pihak Penganjur perlu memahami,tanpa kehadiran tetamu maka tiada siapa yg dapat diraikan. Oleh yg demikian, adalah lebih baik sebelum sesuatu majlis dianjurkan, si bapa pengantin atau pengantin sendiri membayangkan diri mereka sebagai tetamu di majlis mereka sendiri. Maka dengan itu, saya kira unsur2 'over' penonjolan utk majlis2 sebegini dapat dikurangkan dan si penganjur dapat mengadakan majlis dgn lebih baik dan tersusun.

Saya percaya kenduri secara besar besaran ini amat molek jika dilangsungkan dalam suasana gotong royong. Sebagai bapak menteri mahupun ahli MP, meraikan kegembiraan keluarga bersama rakyat di kawasan masing2 bukan shj memberikan political mileage malah rakyat sendiri akan terharu dan berbangga untuk berkongsi kegembiraan itu.

Tiara1998 said...

Dato'

Once a writer, always a writer. Keep up the good work.

Tiara

About Me

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I was born in 1947 in Kedah. I came from a rice farming family. I have been a journalist since 1969. I am the Editor-in-Chief of magazine publishing company, Berita Publishing Sdn Bhd. I was Group Editor NST Sdn Bhd and Group Editor-in-Chief of NSTP Bhd between 1988 and 2000. I write fortnightly column “Other Thots” in the Malaysian Business magazine, Kunta Kinte Original in Berita Harian and A Kadir Jasin Bercerita in Dewan Masyarakat. Books: Biar Putih Tulang (1998), Other Thots – Opinions & Observations 1992-2001 (2001), The Wings of an Eagle (2003), Mencari Dugalia Huso (2006), Damned That Thots (2006), Blogger (2006), PRU 2008-Rakyat Sahut Cabaran (2008), Komedi & Tragedi-Latest in Contemporary Malaysian Politics (2009) and Membangun Bangsa dengan Pena (2009).